The Mother’s Tale by Camilla Noli – I read an interview last year about this book and was intrigued by the plot idea [...]]]> I’ve seen a couple of posts recently with summaries of what people have been reading and recommending and have found them interesting, so I thought I would share books I have read this summer.

The Mother’s Tale by Camilla Noli – I read an interview last year about this book and was intrigued by the plot idea and emotions behind it. It’s a disturbing read. The description on the book jacket includes “…a young mother is looking after her two children. She used to be a successful career woman in control of her life…But now her control is slipping away. Motherhood is devouring her life. She is desperate to reclaim her sense of self, even if that means thinking the unthinkable…” Parts of this book were harrowing, I had to re-read them to check I’d read them correctly! Although the subject matter is intense, it’s a quick read. At a time when so many mothers are bemoaning their loss of freedom in the media with articles about how children don’t make them happy blah blah blah (I’ve a post brewing on children and “happiness”), this is an interesting slant. As one review writes, it’s “the story of a woman who should never have become a mother”.

The Dying Light by Henry Porter – this was a Book Club choice and reminds me why I am enjoying being part of a book club: I’d not heard of this book and may have missed it were it not selected, and that would have been a shame as I really enjoyed it. It’s a conspiracy theory about where the super-surveillance society we (ignorantly?) live in could take us. It’s an interesting look at how seemingly simple and innocuous information can be used in a sinister way. The plot can be complex, I had to concentrate to keep up at times, but that did not detract. I found The Dying Light interesting, thought-provoking and entertaining.

Tales from a Travelling Mum by Alice Griffin – this is written by someone I’ve “met” through blogging. A lot of what Alice writes resonates with me, reiterating what I have discovered through travelling to obscure places with babies and children. Alice writes about how children help us see places in a different way “it makes me look again, not with the dismissive eyes of an adult who has already seen many things, but with the eyes of a child.” The book is about Alice’s determination to continue travelling once she is a mum, and an extended road trip her family take into Europe. I’ve done lots of travelling with my children, but I’m not sure I have Alice’s patience to survive consecutive long wet days in a camper van! A fun book, with tips if you need encouragement to travel with a baby.

Hens Dancing by Raffaella Barker – I enjoyed this book much more than I was expecting. It’s a great story of a newly single mum and her three children. There are some excellent observations of children and family life and mum-Venetia gave me lots to think about.

The Earth Hums in B Flat by Mari Strachan – the story of Gwenni, a curious and quirky child in a Welsh town in the 1950s. I enjoyed this book; although I am slightly tired of the plot cliché where someone spends the book discovering hidden family secrets. What I took from this book was a reminder of what happened to people, women especially, when society was less tolerant and things were suppressed.

Sea of Poppies by Amitav Ghosh – this is the latest Book Club choice, about characters, and a boat, connected to the opium trade. I’m learning lots and enjoying it but it’s a whopper so will have to give it more attention than my ten minutes of sleepy reading too late at night.

What have you been reading this summer? Anything you recommend?

Three mummy bloggers: Josie at Sleep is for the Weak; Eva at Nixdminx and Sian at Mummy-tips are travelling to Bangladesh at the end of August with Save the Children.  Their role is to meet mothers, share their stories and raise awareness of the terrible conditions [...]]]> It’s exciting to hear that the Mummy Blogging community is getting involved in Bangladesh.

Three mummy bloggers: Josie at Sleep is for the Weak; Eva at Nixdminx and Sian at Mummy-tips are travelling to Bangladesh at the end of August with Save the Children.  Their role is to meet mothers, share their stories and raise awareness of the terrible conditions they live in and issues they face, such as high infant mortality. The hope is that the campaign will put pressure on world leaders at the upcoming UN conference to meet the Millennium Development Goals they pledged their commitment to ten years ago

Two parents had decided to let their children, aged 8 and 5, cycle to school alone. They live in Dulwich. They were cycling along pavements and only crossed one road, with [...]]]> I have been writing recently about why children need risk. In The Sunday Times (4 July 2010) there was an article about an interesting aspect of this.

Two parents had decided to let their children, aged 8 and 5, cycle to school alone. They live in Dulwich. They were cycling along pavements and only crossed one road, with the help of a lollipop lady. The parents had concluded “the risk is very low and the benefits significantly outweigh them“.

However, the school has decided this is not safe and, having a legal responsibility to notify the local authority if they feel a child in their care is at risk, have said they will involve social services if this unsupervised school-run does not stop.

This raises some interesting issues. Firstly, the Interfering State, which I have posted about before. Can parents not make their own decisions about their children? In this article the mum asks “do the government have the right to put an obligation on schools not to allow any level of risk whatsoever?”

This leads on to the second issue; the level of risk. In my last post on risk I sharedmy concerns about my son tripping off the pavement as he runs to school. Despite some very sensible comments on my post, I still have an issue with this bit of pavement. This week I watched a child on a scooter have a near miss with a van pulling out of a driveway. What is the right reaction to this?  Should we all insist our children walk with us – as a mum it’s so hard to get this balance right; modern parents are criticised for being  over cautious,  saying “no” and “don’t” too often. Playground Mum says – think about how many children walk down that pavement every day and how many actually get hurt.

This is what the Dulwich parents have done – assessed the risks and decided they are minimal. They say they have gradually exposed their children to taking greater responsibility and risks and have adjusted, mature and independent children as a result. “We wanted to recreate the simple freedom of our childhood…these days children live such regimented lives. They can do nothing unless it’s planned beforehand“.

Professor Furedi is quoted in the piece as saying that the state is steadily encroaching and that excessive protection of children harms their development. He says the measures these parents took “actually protect the children by developing resilience and resourcefulness through facing challenging situations”.

It is lamented that children these days have no freedom to simply run in the park. Dulwich Dad says “we are trying to let them enjoy their lives and teach them a little bit about the risks of life…[which] are no greater today than they were 30 years ago. It’s all about the perception of risk rather than reality”.

In an article in The Daily Telegraph, Michael Owen was expressing concern about the parks being empty of parent-free children, but for a different reason.  His point was that children are not getting enough football practice. “When school was finished I would be straight to the park at 4pm and my mum would be dragging me by the ear at 9pm to get home to bed. ” Nowadays, young boys are on their computers and the parks are empty.

The Dulwich parents report that they tried to encourage other parents to allow the children to meet for a free play in the park but were met with “a wall of silence”.

As a parent in this age of information and choice, the decisions are so difficult. Do I let my child race down the pavement and pray each day that a van is not pulling out of the hidden driveway? Or do I start a campaign, for drivers and children, promoting road awareness at school run time? Do we need a zebra crossing or lollipop lady to protect us from cars racing a short cut through the village or should I insist my children always hold my hand and walk with me? Am I being a Good Mother or a fusspot?

The dangers are there; how do we assess them and facilitate safe, practical living for our children. Is it right that we could be overruled in this judgement by schools “under obligation” to consider children’s safety?

Kyrgyzstan has had a traumatic few months. In April there was  a second revolution; President Bakiyev fled the country. In recent weeks there has been terrible violence in the southern cities of Osh and Jalalabad; thousands have fled as refugees. There is much in our news about a [...]]]> Today, Roza Otunbaeva has been inauguration as President of Kyrgyzstan.

Kyrgyzstan has had a traumatic few months. In April there was  a second revolution; President Bakiyev fled the country. In recent weeks there has been terrible violence in the southern cities of Osh and Jalalabad; thousands have fled as refugees. There is much in our news about a proposed referendum on political reform; on Thursday, the Kyrgyz voted in a referendum to decide whether to endorse the interim government. 90.55% voted in favour of the new constitution, approving Roza Otunbaeva as President.

There is hope that this will mean the start of more stable times in Kyrgyzstan. The reality is that with parliamentary elections due, there will be more disputes within the country. Kyrgyzstan is complicated; there are different ethnic groups – Uzbeks, Kyrgyz, Russians, Tajiks – and many clans. What we describe as nepotism, they call loyalty. With a population of only five million, many of whom are illiterate or uneducated, there are few qualified to take government positions, so a small group of elite rotates according to whose clan is in power.

It’s unsurprising that Kyrgyzstan faces so many problems. I wish Roza luck in strong, uncompromised leadership. She has been involved in politics for many years, including as ambassador to the UK. When I lived in Kyrgyzstan she was a campaigner against the alleged corrupt government.

Ian Claytor, still living in Bishkek, writes “Many people seem to be of the opinion that a resounding and convincing positive result in the referendum will resolve all our problems … mean no more upheaval and disorder, death and destruction.”

Sadly, in a region as complicated as Central Asia, this is unlikely.

Click here for a BBC News report on the referendum.

Thank you to everyone who donated clothes; people were extremely generous, handing me huge bags of beautiful clothes. I hope you will think from these photos that they are being put [...]]]> I would like to share photos and thanks from ARBAN for the clothes M passed to them for the people of Jheelpur slum on his last visit in May.

Thank you to everyone who donated clothes; people were extremely generous, handing me huge bags of beautiful clothes. I hope you will think from these photos that they are being put to good use.

We are working to formalise our fundraising for the mothers and children of Jheelpur slum. If anyone is interested in being involved, the next meeting is on Monday 5th July 2010. For those who are unable to attend but would like to be involved in this initiative, please email me at contact@saffiafarr.com

This is Ruma and baby Rajia, the family who so touched me when I visited the slum. From this photo I feel heartened that Rajia is looking better, growing well and looking more healthy.

Dr Kamal, Chief Executive Officer of ARBAN, has written to thank us for our involvement. He is visiting the UK in August and we hope to to meet with him then so that others involved in the fundraising can gain a greater insight into what ARBAN is attempting to achieve in Bangladesh. This is his message:

“Warmest greetings from ARBAN and Bangladesh.Thank you very much for your kind and generous support to ARBAN to help the slum dwelling people of Jheelpar  Bastee of Mirpur to help themselves to overcome poor health conditions , malnutritions , diseases and deprivations. Your visit to the slums brought hope and dignity in their lives. Your material supports founded the bridge between the tormented people of Bangladesh and the  generous people of the UK.

After your visit to the slums they believe that they were no more alone  in this world and their voices were amplified in the UK and being heard by many philanthropists. We trust  that our collective efforts will bring about positive changes in the lives and conditions of the people live in hard and hazardous conditions.”

In January 2010 I went to a seminar about the importance of adventurous play at the Nursery World Show. The speaker, Helen Tovey, explained the theory; if children are not exposed to risk, they cannot learn how to [...]]]> My last two columns for Nursery World have been about why children need to experience risky and challenging play.

In January 2010 I went to a seminar about the importance of adventurous play at the Nursery World Show. The speaker, Helen Tovey, explained the theory; if children are not exposed to risk, they cannot learn how to manage it. She quoted Froebel “a boy who has not been exposed to risk will not know his capabilities and is more likely to encounter danger”.

As a mother of two boys (and a little girl!), this really made me think: As a parent, keen to protect your child from danger, how often do we say “be careful…don’t do that you’ll fall…don’t run so fast down that hill”?

I’ve realised that while encouraging my sons to be more independent and adventurous in their play, I’m also using words of caution too often.

If we limit what they are allowed to experience, we will limit their ability to make decisions about what is sensible.

This is of course the key – finding the balance between being sensible and letting them explore. It’s a similar issue to the one I wrote about in my Stay Where I Can See You post. Then I had realised that while wondering why my oldest son was not keen to play independently from me, I was being over-cautious in not giving him the space to discover his own independence.

Both are difficult balances to find – we don’t want to allow our children to wander the streets alone or climb to the top of tall trees and fall out, but we want them to be confident and have a strong self believe.

There are “sensible/safe” ways to let them learn about managing risk. Researching this subject I found an article on Visit Wiltshire about Bowood House. Bowood had done a survey and discovered that parents visiting their adventure playground “fear the ramifications of over protecting today’s children and avoiding even a responsible level of risk”.

“Children who don’t explore and evaluate risk and danger won’t be able to discover their own limits and are likely to be more accident-prone. If children’s thinking becomes controlled and their imaginations aren’t explored, their perceptions are bound to be narrower; they won’t be so streetwise and able to fend for themselves”.

The Bowood attitude is that over-anxious parents will create reserved children less able to fend for themselves. Spending too much time indoors is unhealthy; parents questioned were nostalgic for their own childhoods when they were able to wander more freely. They asked, “is there more risk than in the 70’s or do we just have more access to the information now”?

I’m not suggesting that we stop watching our children, letting them do what they please. A crucial point is to differentiate between a risk and a hazard. “A hazard is something a child does not see. A risk is a challenge a child can see and chooses to undertake, or not.” (Mairs, K, 2000, quoted in Nursery World 6 May 2010).

T (age 6) has recently become a Beaver Scout and I was delighted when they went on a rock climbing and abseiling trip. However, despite knowing the theory, it’s still hard to let go. As he was preparing to set off I had to stop myself telling him to be careful, not wanting to instil anxiety in him through my parental worries. Instead I told him to listen to the instructions! That was advice Helen Tovey had given us; if children are shown how to do challenging activities correctly, then mastering that skill is a great way for them to build confidence and self-esteem. And those characteristics will be strong blocks on which to build as life gets more complex.

Twilight: My Review

The Twilight Saga: What do [...]]]> Stephenie Meyer ended up writing four books and hundreds of pages to complete the story of her characters Bella and Edward. In reading and thinking about her Twilight Saga, I ended up writing hundreds of words to explain what I thought! Therefore, I have split it into three posts:

Twilight: My Review

The Twilight Saga: What do you think?

Scoring Twilight: What is a Good Book?

When I studied English Literature A’Level I disliked how it made me pull books apart; any enjoyment of reading was lost in analysis and critique. I was worried Book Club might do the same. Thankfully, it has not. Instead I am thoroughly enjoying the opportunity to discuss and theorise about books I’ve enjoyed. Some of us are still discussing Twilight, weeks after the book club meeting and there are millions of fan sites around the world (some worryingly obsessive). These posts are just my way of collating and sharing my thoughts.

I will try very hard not to give anything away as I know some of my blog readers have not read Twilight and I recommend that you do! The books are best read with as much surprise as possible. However, be warned, Twilight is everywhere and some surprises were unintentionally ruined for me when I, for example, flipped through a magazine in my dentist’s waiting room and found out more than I wanted to about a certain character.