“Okasaan” is Japanese for mother. Call Me Okasaan is an anthology of essays written by women from around the world about mothering across cultures. Suzanne Kamata, the editor, lives in rural Japan and is known as Okasaan “…by everyone, from my mother-in-law to my kids’ teachers to door-to-door salesmen…”
The main marketing tag is “Whether through intercultural marriage, international adoption or peripatetic lifestyles, families these days are increasingly multicultural.” Any mother will recognise the complications of raising children. For multicultural mothers the added complication is that their mothering is often done in a different language, isolated from family and traditional support networks. The twenty-one chapters in Call Me Okasaan are full of emotions and anxieties derived from this international experience. I was asked to contribute a piece and wrote about my antenatal care in Kyrgyzstan. However, having read the book I feel very unqualified to be involved as there are families facing much more complex issues than my nomadic antenatal care.
Every reader comes to a book with their own mental world, the background and sensitivities that make them unique. Therefore, every reader will be touched by a different chapter of this anthology. I was particularly taken with Carrying On by Katherine Barrett, a Canadian currently living in South Africa. She describes how what she’s seen in South Africa has caused her to “recalibrate her scale of hardship”. She writes about her daily struggles of bringing up three small children, then shows how she’s learnt what real struggles are – camping in temporary shelters; worrying about xenophobic violence; scraping together enough food for a family enhanced by orphans taken in through selfless kindness. I find it very therapeutic to find mothers who think about the same questions and express sentiments I am feeling, something I hope other mothers can gain from my writing. I therefore leapt at a phrase of Katherine’s and have made it my mantra “I love my kids; I love being a mother. But at times I feel oppressed by a job that tolerates no days off and no off days”.
A recurring theme for many women throughout the book is language, an issue involving much guilt and soul searching for these parents. Our language is a focal part of our identity and this anthology shows how some mothers struggle to ensure their children find their identity in their multicultural world. Should you accept the practicalities of raising your child in the country’s language rather than your native tongue as described by Devorah Lifshutz in Promises to Myself? Or should you rejoice in being able to share “Two Names for Every Beautiful Thing” as extolled by Violeta Garcia-Mendoza?
Multiculturalism is complicated; an undeniable theme of Call Me Okasaan, but there is also joy and an optimism we can all learn from. Wonderful things can happen when you challenge “normal” family protocol. Like the Lotus by Leza Lowitz has some deeply moving moments. She describes how her Japanese son, adopted by a Jewish-American mother and Japanese father, has the innocence of children which transcends all linguistic and cultural barriers. Yuto, brought up in an orphanage, “…is the opposite of other kids, who have to learn how to share. He brings his own toys to share but the other kids don’t take much interest in them”. Through a wonderful anecdote Lowitz shows how his alternative outlook on life can teach us all to challenge our perceptions: While others rush by, Yuto insists on sitting with a homeless man and a cat that’s been hit by a car. He attracts attention and people give money to help the cat. “Somehow, he brings together the splintered world of strangers.” Amidst the stories of difficulty in Call Me Okasaan I found this incredibly uplifting.
It’s difficult to summarise this anthology, unique because it deals with a new aspect to parenting created by the mobile society we now live in. For multicultural mothers it will be therapeutic to read about others who understand their complex issues and learn from the varying results and conclusions. However, the book does not exclude other readers. I found it an interesting commentary on motherhood because, written from alternative perspectives, it encouraged me to consider everyday issues from different angles. Some of the essays I enjoyed because I could particularly relate to the sentiments, some are thought provoking, some are beautifully and lyrically written, some expose the rawest emotions of motherhood and some show how the simplest issues can become complicated.
I think it’s a very special book about alternative family lifestyles. I have been touched by it and feel honoured to have been involved.
Call Me Okaasan: Adventures in Multicultural Mothering is edited by Suzanne Kamata and published by Wyatt-Mackenzie Publishing.
I interviewed Suzanne Kamata for the Telegraph. Click here to read the article.